The Lucky Ones

I wonder if it is because there are lucky people who have simply found the fomula through life, or are able to accept life simply as it is; making me look like a lost philosopher, and somewhat an outcast on this side of the world.

Alienation

I wonder if I could be the only one.

I feel many unhappiness bottled inside, I want to scream! Yet, it's silent, as there is no reason, just bitterness.

I think up so much junk, it looks as if I love torturing myself. Misunderstood, and lack of real connection; the attention now is filled with judgement, critism and distrust.

Junk. Or is it?

Positive attention is very important to me. It is to everybody. yet in this world I am perceiving, there is so much lack of attention, and more like suffering from a deficiency in it. without enough nods affirming what I do, who I am, what I like. Just some signs to tell me I am ok, that I am on the right path, doing the right things, being the right person,... (u know...)

some real loving... plsssss...?

some experiences make me feel all so so good, and some times my closest friends make me fall flat on my face.then everything crushes, like u stepping on the garden snail (accidentally).

Lucky there's Cen.

I like to be part of, not excluded. Or maybe I excluded myself. I don't like to be the extra, odd one. Or maybe, I'm just thinking that. Funny me.

Maybe I am just different, from another planet, and most people dun understand me. I dun understand most people also.

I find no comfort in the silence but fear being abandoned, fear of being left out. It's dark and depressed.

I dun mean to torture myself. but I sometimes doubt if you like who I am, and I dun wish to be deluded.