this blog post with a lot of 'I's becos 'I' am getting confused...

my bibi says i am his Best Friend. I've heard someone talked about people they love this way. "My gf? oh it's been amazing with her! We're best friends..."

This year i started to doubt so much about relationships with people, friends and families, i kinda forgot what it means to be best friends, or lovers, or what it means to be friends with differences, or even friends separate by distances and jet lags.

at some point in time this year, I didn't know anymore if my friends liked me enough. or if i was as important in their lives as they were in mine.

that they wanted even an extra moment just to stay up for chat, to tell each other how magical it has been for us friends to meet and getting to know each other.

just like good old times.

I've somehow forgotten what it was to have a F'ING good time with friends, or at a party meeting real people. not people who want to be seen, act cool, or hook up with girls. REAL PEOPLE. where have they gone to.

i think the the core inside me is a deep dark place that no one can understand. and when friends i thought could understand my depressiveness, i was wrong. even i didn't understand why i am so depressed.

i often wonder if am happy with where i am today? am i about to do what i am truly made for in this existence?

wat if i m a painter, an artist, or a dancer, n here i am trapped in the casino of life trying to play the money game. what if i am a writer n my task is to think and put my extremely imaginative mind down on pen and paper.

wat if at this point in my life i still have one last shot to do everything that i was not trained to do in school, but always thought about. only one shot what would u choose?

what if i was going to die tomorrow?

then, how could i discover what i was made for today?