on my way to London

on my way to London, how does it feel?

I am scared I suppose, to meet the unknown, and even though I am going to meet with a dear friend, I feel a sense of doubt since we haven't met in long time.

Things here have become numbed and dull. I dun even know what's going on half the time.

Always before I get to sort out anything, I am already so tired... and I just sleep it away...

cry to sleep, and wake up... same shit different day.. less stinky now it seems.. but well, fact it we humand develop tolerance too fast...

Before I know it, everything isn't that bad anymore... but everything pieces into a monotonous humming...

Killing yourself...

All the time, the road to freedom, seems a road of sacrificing a part of myself, that I want to be free from.

Freedom from myself. Then I'll need to kill myself... sacrifice the ego, the form, and the identity.

Freedom from love, that's detachment, as if you don't care... "Zen" - ness and unaffected by things people you love do.

Freedom from yearning, so I stopped wanting things. Stopped finding things that i want to do. so the heartbeat also soften and stops.

self destructive generation of the new millenium. that's us. walking the sacrificial road to freedom

what's left is a tiny buzz in ur head, telling you that you are still alive.
and sometimes it feels like life is wasted.