I Blog

I blog about my life, my love, my unhappiness, my depression. Hell actually who cares anyway? But I blog anyway...

It's true, this blog doesn't show all of me.. some of it I must hide. More often than not, it takes some effort not to whine about my dissappointments in life. Cos well, it's a blog, it's public, and many people read it. Well, my issues are probably just mindless buzz, only important to me. Others may be struggling with tougher fate.

Whining about things don't actually help at all. Infact, it can make things worse. We know this. However, if you ask me to look inside, there is a point right in between the pit bottom and, just before things get better. But it's not any better, and you can't even whine about it.

So I blog.

It's mid-Aug now. I've been back home since last december. Yes, last 8 months were start of many new beginnings. Coming home and coming to terms with myself to stay put in Singapore. To start afresh, plan the next few years and sort out the things I need to sort out. This is my home, my culture, my heartland, but I am like an alien at home.

I feel estranged from people around me. Just an unexplainable distant. There are many who are nice characters, but... No connection situation.

Then there are the "meanies"... needless to talk more about them...

I wonder if it's me, that I am that different. Or I chose to be different.

What about One love, what about coming together and feeling alright... What about the world in Love?

optimism and take the future

I spend most of my free time on internet. That's also why I blog quite a bit.

Then for an instance I thought that I've become a socially evasive internet geek. Nope. My best friend Yun would win that anytime. My BPB comes a close second.

But well, I realise it's because most of the friends that I talk to and hang out with are away or from overseas. Hm... Call me an attention seeking bee-aarch ("bitch"). My life here hence shrank into distance between home and work... the next good movie and a computer screen messenger party.

Yet even though communication over the internet is so deprived, I get the deepest insights from the people on the other end of the optic fiber.

hey dont speak about the past, lets take the future!
- Adomas

:) optimism is important!!!
- Tiago

lolololo... Ata iki... Ate ja!

It's all in the attitude...

new age sentimentalism

Always when I travel in the MRT (mass rapid transit), my mind is consumed with thoughts about the people standing around me. Each cabin is easily filled with 50 people. That's quite a good sample mass in such a small space. Sometimes I feel intruded with these people standing so near by. Maybe because I don't want to get too close.

Not just the bitching about latest fashion hots nor fashion victims. But thoughts about life.

Thoughts about what these people might be thinking, how they are happy the way they are, how maybe they are jaded, how they found light and acceptance, how they managed to work it all out.

By thinking so much, it's starting to look like the mass population are more enlightened about life and living, in this bustling city of Singapore. And I start to feel ignored of my endless chatter and mental buzz about what's real and what's not.

Call me a new age sentimentalist, or a lost philosopher.

It is true that some questions have no answer. Then it becomes meaningless to think about them. And because they have no answer, there is also no end to the debate.
- Can't stop thinking about them.

Need some space... we could have parties, food, drinks, a place to hang out...

then... Rental is Crazy in Singapore!! In the suburbs neighbourhood, is coming to SGD2,000 - 3 rooms maybe?

I can't seem to find space for myself here. I just barely survive with a minimal breathe of air, everything seems so congested.