Madness

Do you sometimes hear yourself talking in your head? I think most people do. Deciding which colour to wear, deciding what to eat, deciding what to do. If we only decided with 1 voice, then we won't take so long and there will be no conflict.
I think most women have more than 1 voice. maybe 3, I dunno.

Ronny said to me that we don't really have control over what we think.

I think it is quite true. We can probably design the guidelines on how we want to think. But what we really think about, there's no escaping.

For example, my boyfriend leaves me => [OOPS.. MISREPRESENTED, that is to say, I was just stating a senario]. I want to think that I am a strong girl and I can handle the new life that I now have. Yet I am choking on tears and gasping for air and my face cringes.

Yun says all the time, you make your own reality.

But sometimes, I think, isn't reality what things really are?... like some kind of underlying truth that exists in everything...

It seems people who live by making their own reality are happier and clearer about themselves. And others who allow life to take them along, seem to get lost more easily.

Recently, I have been absolutely pissed and annoyed by one thing. My ex-Company hasn't paid me my salary for February. Idiots. If needs be, I will end the world with them (as the chinese saying, "Tong Gui Yu Jin"). It's a small amount of money, but it's what I worked for. And if they don't pay, it's outright exploitation. People with no conscience to pay out salary to their staff are as good as the pigs feeding on trash.

We are all going to die one day, rich or poor, whatever you do. So why don't we try do some good before we disappear?