Missing post(s) - Phi Phi goes to meet the Eastern Western...

taip taip... (means "yes yes" in Lithuanian)

13th June 2006 - Flew from Singapore to London, got a connecting to Lithuania. And booom... here I am.

So yes yes, I am here in lithuania, still. Been here 6 weeks, going 7 I am guessing now. Full on partying and a whole new adventure here in Baltic Eastern Europe. Culture shock? Sure thing. But it's not so difficult after the first week, because here is my freedom of being, no longer judge by social norms of my origin, only being what I am. Here are free and open minds waiting to explore you, and perhaps the underlying desire to understand a whole new culture from Asia, the tann yellow skin that doesn't burn in the sun.

Have been meeting so many people that I can't possibly remember all their names. Solution? Smile and say Hi once again.

Many people ask how I do it. How to drop it all and leave. I told them it's only a decision after honest consideration with the self. What is life, and what keeps it going? For me, it could be anything. It may well be having a good career, some cash and a family. Or it could also be coming to Europe with 800 Euros in my pocket and with a return ticket dated 6 months after.

Maybe I'll work it out here, maybe I'll go home. Loads of possibilities, anything can happen if you are open to the possibilities.

4th August 2006 - Phi Phi Goes to Portugual with Iggy for Boom Festival

Ticket booked, so Portugal it is. Gonna make some hair braids on the way. Give some, sell some. Should be really cool I think.

a post for Beautiful Egle and Agne and Giedre

"... Because you're... Gorgeous!!!!! I'll do anything for you...."





... really love love love you girls! :)

Solitude

I was so stressed out for the last day of work. Well it's stupid you think. And I do agree. I should really be happy, relaxed and finally a new burst of freedom in life. I was almost nauseous.

well, that's ideal. In reality, you face your deepest fears, your most unheard voice and the worst questions when you embark on the journey into the path less travelled, and obviously, never been before.

Took a shower for over an hour, of course also did the essentials of face mask, fingers, toes scrubbing. It was the most relaxing hour i've had in 2 weeks. By myself. Surprise, surprised.
Solitude and shower seemed like the cure to all my doubts and anxiety.

In a myraid of events, tasks and administratives, I felt the few bits of me that was having the life here in Singapore were being torn. Handing over of my duties at work, clearing the room, packing up, and leaving my bf behind. I felt as if I was going away for the longest time, the indefinite forever, which in real life will end when the ticket dies in 6 months.

The only issue that eventually caught up with me and left me hanging was my bf. How I do not know what I will do about him. How I sometimes feel guilty for leaving. But I figured he wasn't sure about me afterall and I was having an almost non-existent bf. Sometimes I have to remind myself, that he is after all my bf. The bad effects of "Non-Commital" but want to be together - Jadedness. Somehow, I chose to stay with him.

Well, the wheel spins, people leaving, people come around, everybody hurt somebody sometimes.

Or choose solitude, only be with myself.

on my way to London

on my way to London, how does it feel?

I am scared I suppose, to meet the unknown, and even though I am going to meet with a dear friend, I feel a sense of doubt since we haven't met in long time.

Things here have become numbed and dull. I dun even know what's going on half the time.

Always before I get to sort out anything, I am already so tired... and I just sleep it away...

cry to sleep, and wake up... same shit different day.. less stinky now it seems.. but well, fact it we humand develop tolerance too fast...

Before I know it, everything isn't that bad anymore... but everything pieces into a monotonous humming...

Killing yourself...

All the time, the road to freedom, seems a road of sacrificing a part of myself, that I want to be free from.

Freedom from myself. Then I'll need to kill myself... sacrifice the ego, the form, and the identity.

Freedom from love, that's detachment, as if you don't care... "Zen" - ness and unaffected by things people you love do.

Freedom from yearning, so I stopped wanting things. Stopped finding things that i want to do. so the heartbeat also soften and stops.

self destructive generation of the new millenium. that's us. walking the sacrificial road to freedom

what's left is a tiny buzz in ur head, telling you that you are still alive.
and sometimes it feels like life is wasted.