Solitude

I was so stressed out for the last day of work. Well it's stupid you think. And I do agree. I should really be happy, relaxed and finally a new burst of freedom in life. I was almost nauseous.

well, that's ideal. In reality, you face your deepest fears, your most unheard voice and the worst questions when you embark on the journey into the path less travelled, and obviously, never been before.

Took a shower for over an hour, of course also did the essentials of face mask, fingers, toes scrubbing. It was the most relaxing hour i've had in 2 weeks. By myself. Surprise, surprised.
Solitude and shower seemed like the cure to all my doubts and anxiety.

In a myraid of events, tasks and administratives, I felt the few bits of me that was having the life here in Singapore were being torn. Handing over of my duties at work, clearing the room, packing up, and leaving my bf behind. I felt as if I was going away for the longest time, the indefinite forever, which in real life will end when the ticket dies in 6 months.

The only issue that eventually caught up with me and left me hanging was my bf. How I do not know what I will do about him. How I sometimes feel guilty for leaving. But I figured he wasn't sure about me afterall and I was having an almost non-existent bf. Sometimes I have to remind myself, that he is after all my bf. The bad effects of "Non-Commital" but want to be together - Jadedness. Somehow, I chose to stay with him.

Well, the wheel spins, people leaving, people come around, everybody hurt somebody sometimes.

Or choose solitude, only be with myself.