A simple girl

Every girl has a dream. I have one to. Call me a helpless romantic or emo-bitch, either works. Like a simple girl, I like to share, love and be loved.

No, this isn't about BGR, a timeless debate about what women want and what keeps the men ogling. Or for that matter, why 50% of the time, people out grow each other and relationships simply expired.

This is about simple love. To share and to love. Friends, Family, Pets, Strangers. A sort of wordless simplicity, imagine a fuzzy white glow around everything, and a smile with peace and tranquility. Everything in Enlightened state. Even the tables and chairs.

Starting to sound unreal? It's a perspective. Perspective is as real as anything you and I see can mean for you or me.

What's the point? Why are there so many books on self help, self motivation, spiritually, pursuing happiness, pursuing success? Why is Man constantly striving to transcend this picture of struggle, unhappiness, lack of success, lack of money. We read books A - Z, to find an answer. Some books are great, we recommend it, some are too abstract and our minds are not ready.

What's the point, everybody has something to say anyway, right or wrong.

What's the point, in getting angry, jealous, irritated, frustrated, sad, when all these are self inflicted feelings and reaction. I can't feel what somebody else is feeling. Not exactly, I feel for everything through my own perception.

But we all feel so anyway, and we also sometimes the cause of other people's anger, hurt and frustration.

Wouldn't it be nice, if everyone was enlightened, to see past themselves and to stop blaming others? And just to share a simple love.

Tuesday

Tuesday, today, I lay on my bed for hours after hours. Just thinking.

Thinking how, why, who, what, if and dreaming about when.

I am not giving up, but I found myself stuck in a pit, don't know how to get out, can't really see what's outside.

So there is only me and myself to think things through. To find the answers to gather my confidence to stay alive.

There's help from somewhere, I hear an echo. Should I follow or should I stay and think somemore. I look around me, lo and behold I found a spade sitting here beside me. I had dug this pit for myself.

The echo shouts louder now, but only to save me, I'll have to leave myself behind in the pit.

I explained to myself, that I was digging a tunnel to a beautiful place. Now that I've lost the map and compass, I just need to ask myself which direction to dig more.

I wanted to know that I was right. I didn't want to chose the easy way and depend on help, leaving myself behind.

After hours, I am still thinking if I should continue to dig the tunnel. Or just listen to help.

Soon, I started to get comfortable with myself and in the pit. I got used to the darkness, and everything seems normal. Normal to be actually in a pit.

Once in a while, help tells me about the beautiful scenery and fresh air outside. That I should experience and love. But to have all that, I'd would need to climb and forget about myself. I would need to change my plans and forget about digging the tunnel.

I ask myself, why am I digging the tunnel?

It was so that I can do it by myself.

***

Help says, actually it's the same place we are going to. Same beautiful. This way is just easier, brighter and everybody has gone through this way.

Why do I dig the tunnel by myself?

No-one knows.

Where?

In the tunnel.

***

If I go, I'll never know about the tunnel. If it can be completed by myself.

Maybe it doesn't matter, I thought. Same happy place. I can have others besides myself.

But, I couldn't decide. I wanted to get out, but I was afraid to leave myself behind. And I wanted to know if it can be completed by myself.

No-one knows the tunnel.

***

Last of all, I was afraid that I would chose to be by myself. Can I trust no-one?

can love die

love can die

how do u stop urself from disappointment, if you pride urself in love.

what if something has died but we still hold on to loyalty.

who is the one to spend eternity with you, or at least feels like eternity when with you

or me.

how long do love last, if one chooses to keep silent, if one choses to be indifferent, if one forgets what is important in love

how to be yourself.

I am different.

Positive Equations

Positive input (+) gives Positive results (+)

Positive input (+) sometimes give Negative results(-)

Negative input (-) will only give negative results(-)

Positivity is the only promise to positive results

Why

why do we ask why? don't u ask anyway sometimes.

I am now taking a break from my day. Taking a break to blog, or blogging to take a break. Either works.

These days, I forget when I breathe, and I sometimes forget to breathe. Running around and calling a good number of numbers. At least that's almost what it feels like. Yet, it's never enough. You can always do more. You can always do more by waking up earlier, resting lesser in between calls, and well, you can always push and make the next limit even if you can't see.

Question is. Do I want to do it. Sometimes yes, sometimes I don't.

It's a question that goes in circles, up and down. The only reality and truth in the entire race is yourself. Yes we make our reality. What you want to do. Not what you want to achieve, but what you really commit yourself to doing. Because at the end achieving success is the result of what you chose to do everyday. And then success means nothing more than what you will be doing after you achieve success. If success means having to continue working, 9-5 everyday, hold endless meetings, daily meetings, have an impressive name card that must state your designation in the company behind your name and otherwise the card is worthless.

so much for an identity.

Do I want to do what I do everyday today. Yes. only because I know I don't have to do the same the next time when I get better in life. The concept of financial freedom has stuck hard and stuck well. And until I own my cafe and kitchen by the coast on some laid back island, here in Singapore City, financial freedom is the way.

This is my beat. Yet, many others move faster than me. More persistent than me, more hard working than me. It's not a competition. But don't u get jealous of people that have done the same and then done better?

And then suddenly, if you zoom out of Singapore like using Google Earth. You realise we are so small. And the reality here, is really, insignificant.

Which means, there are so many different paths in this vast universe, and then some say there is a parallel universe. Realities nested within realities. Daily life and living that is right here right now, becomes mediocre.

Eventually life has no meaning. No real meaning that is solid that you can grasp.

We are alive as much as u continue breathing. Everything else like a movie. I am paralyzed by such a thought.

Then again, life unfolds day to day. There have been instances of a beautiful day that I've lived feeling extra fulfilled, extra happy, and extra extra alive.

Unexplainable.

Why?