I Blog

I blog about my life, my love, my unhappiness, my depression. Hell actually who cares anyway? But I blog anyway...

It's true, this blog doesn't show all of me.. some of it I must hide. More often than not, it takes some effort not to whine about my dissappointments in life. Cos well, it's a blog, it's public, and many people read it. Well, my issues are probably just mindless buzz, only important to me. Others may be struggling with tougher fate.

Whining about things don't actually help at all. Infact, it can make things worse. We know this. However, if you ask me to look inside, there is a point right in between the pit bottom and, just before things get better. But it's not any better, and you can't even whine about it.

So I blog.

It's mid-Aug now. I've been back home since last december. Yes, last 8 months were start of many new beginnings. Coming home and coming to terms with myself to stay put in Singapore. To start afresh, plan the next few years and sort out the things I need to sort out. This is my home, my culture, my heartland, but I am like an alien at home.

I feel estranged from people around me. Just an unexplainable distant. There are many who are nice characters, but... No connection situation.

Then there are the "meanies"... needless to talk more about them...

I wonder if it's me, that I am that different. Or I chose to be different.

What about One love, what about coming together and feeling alright... What about the world in Love?

optimism and take the future

I spend most of my free time on internet. That's also why I blog quite a bit.

Then for an instance I thought that I've become a socially evasive internet geek. Nope. My best friend Yun would win that anytime. My BPB comes a close second.

But well, I realise it's because most of the friends that I talk to and hang out with are away or from overseas. Hm... Call me an attention seeking bee-aarch ("bitch"). My life here hence shrank into distance between home and work... the next good movie and a computer screen messenger party.

Yet even though communication over the internet is so deprived, I get the deepest insights from the people on the other end of the optic fiber.

hey dont speak about the past, lets take the future!
- Adomas

:) optimism is important!!!
- Tiago

lolololo... Ata iki... Ate ja!

It's all in the attitude...

new age sentimentalism

Always when I travel in the MRT (mass rapid transit), my mind is consumed with thoughts about the people standing around me. Each cabin is easily filled with 50 people. That's quite a good sample mass in such a small space. Sometimes I feel intruded with these people standing so near by. Maybe because I don't want to get too close.

Not just the bitching about latest fashion hots nor fashion victims. But thoughts about life.

Thoughts about what these people might be thinking, how they are happy the way they are, how maybe they are jaded, how they found light and acceptance, how they managed to work it all out.

By thinking so much, it's starting to look like the mass population are more enlightened about life and living, in this bustling city of Singapore. And I start to feel ignored of my endless chatter and mental buzz about what's real and what's not.

Call me a new age sentimentalist, or a lost philosopher.

It is true that some questions have no answer. Then it becomes meaningless to think about them. And because they have no answer, there is also no end to the debate.
- Can't stop thinking about them.

Need some space... we could have parties, food, drinks, a place to hang out...

then... Rental is Crazy in Singapore!! In the suburbs neighbourhood, is coming to SGD2,000 - 3 rooms maybe?

I can't seem to find space for myself here. I just barely survive with a minimal breathe of air, everything seems so congested.

GOD

Was there ever a time where you wished there was a God behind everything, a God to save your day, a God that will have the power to heal and show you the way, a God that can make everything nice and beautiful for you?

And... All that you'll need to say, is that you believe there is one.

I did. Today, I asked if there's a God, and if so, wouldn't it be easy to reverse the day and fill it with happiness. Today I met with an unbelievable experience in work. Whatever I presented to him as facts, he didn't believe any bit of it. Worst part of it, he thought I was lying through my teeth and even asked me out right if I did.

Trust. I hate it when anyone undermines me in distrust. If I had lied all that, then I must be Divine.

Truth is, there isn't a "God" that's gonna whip up a hot cocoa, topped with whipped cream and a wafer biscuit topped with more whipped cream. Mums do that. And there isn't a "God", that will magically transform a seemingly tough day into one with smiles. Nope, Harry Potter can't do that either.

Truth is, your day isn't gonna be any better, if you just sit, complain to your "God" in a prayer and then do nothing to help youself.

Help isn't help, if you dun want to help yourself.

Faith or Religion, Philosophy, Sharmanism, Paganism, Cults. They only help you help yourself, in the way you chose to believe.

The "God" that really is, would be how the world can magically connect one to another. How life is always happening, every moment is different from the next. How your mum makes you your favourite dish. How spending time with your closest friends put a smile on your face. How your boyfriend lets you choose your sandwich the way you like it, even when he's sharing it with you. How you choose to be, the person you are in everyday.

"God" is a fiction of our imagination. Or, "God" is you, me and the Universe.

Gaia and the 7 Magic Fishes

Gaia

The Gaia hypothesis is an ecological hypothesis that proposes that living and nonliving parts of the earth are viewed as a complex interacting system that can be thought of as a single organism. Named after the Greek earth goddess, this hypothesis postulates that all living things have a regulatory effect on the Earth's environment that promotes life overall.

- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaia_hypothesis#Lovelock.27s_initial_hypothesis

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Last weekend was full of surprises on the Island of Tioman on the Eastern side of Malaysia, off the coast of Mersing Jetty, South China Sea.

We headed to Golden Mile to catch an early morning bus at 6.30am, sped through a bowl of mince meat noodle in 5 mins, and set off full of energy on the 40 seater bus.

3 hours into the Journey, we were already dozing off in the bus. Suddenly, there was a scream, "AAAhhhhh...!!!" and then *BAaMm*!!!?!!

We thought someone was knocked and rolled over by the bus!... Fortunately, no one one was hurt, the bus had ramped itself into the back of a Taxi, and then the taxi continued to hit the car infront. Hehe... we sent a message home to buy the 4-Digit Lottery for the number plates. *Uffff* Didn't strike...

So, we ended up with the bus at the police station, and waited for the replacement bus to take us to Mersing Jetty. Luckily, we got there just in time for the boat at 1.30pm.

The Boat ride was another hell round of fun! The sea was rough and the boat was crashing into every waves. WE would have been soaked if not for the existence of sliding windows on that boat.

Everything was then back to being normally nice as we reached the island, and found a good dwelling place for rest, less the attack of the Baboon. Yeps, the Baboon came to our hut and attempted attack with a snare at us. It tried also to sneak over our balcony. AND, it came back in the middle of the night to scream at us from outside the hut, and turned over all our trash!!! Very agressive is this Baboon.




Until the next morning where we missed the Snorkel Boat Trip! *Ufff* So we thought we would rent just the equippments and go swimming at the beach. And we did. Was actually quite an adventure swimming out into the unknown.

Suddenly we started to see some beautiful fishes.. and more fishes. So we snorkelled and swimmed and laughed and giggled and smiled...

And SUDDENLY!!!*!!!*!!!* We spotted something that was AS BIG as I was. WOW!! They were bluish and a rustic green in colour, making them look like they have swam to shore from the Ancient depths of the OCEAN... and then there were more of them... 1, 2, ....3, ... As fast as there appeared, they disappeared. These humungous Bumphead Parrot Fishes (or Giant Parrot Fish) were cruising along and feeding on algae and corals.

We hit the beach a second time that day. And swam out the same. Suddenly, we spotted them again! This time we decided to swim along with them a while more. We were thrilled... There were 7 of them! We watched them from a distant and realised they were spawning around us as there was a timed release of a cloud of "something" over the corals... :P They were pretty harmless as far as we know it, but still we stopped breathing everytime they took a turned and swam nearer to us.



Well... The 7 Magic Fishes...

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Everytime I go for a trip out of town, dive, parties in the the forest, just getting closer to nature, or getting closer to people, meeting people... I feel deep within me, the heart beat of Gaia. That the world at large makes one so small, yet as part of an entire system, all that exists is needed and of vital importance. We are both predator and prey in the world of competition, survival, and war is at the epitome; but we are also functions to the system of Gaia, as a whole pulsating organism in Homeostasis, interconnected, part of a single entity, and with a universal identity of Gaia's existence in the realms of Space.
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