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Hello all. whoever and wherever u are, reading this. Here are my heartfelt season's greetings to all you sweeties.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
This year I'll be spending Christmas eve at home with myself (and also toilet training Rhumby the Pug which has been staying in my house for the last week)
Spending Christmas eve alone isn't all that lonely a thing afterall. Most of my friends have gone overseas, so there isn't anything planned for the evening. I guess it can be a positive decision to want to spend some special time alone as well.
It may sound too much of solitude for many people, but since i've never done anything like this before, I thought it may be an experience worth a shot. So I didn't try to plan anything more.
However, today I have a bigger task at hand. Toilet training the Pug. It's about 4 years old and it had been toilet trained in the previous home. But since it moved to my place, he had been doing it outside which is good, but it also shit and pee-ed in the house. I've been trying to train it to use the toilet at home. but everytime we walk in there, it doesn't do anything but wait for the door to open and to get out.
Right now he's leashed to me, and everytime he tries to get my attention, I'll just bring it to the bathroom, or if it tries to relieve himself, then at least I can stop him in time and then bring him to the bathroom.
Argh... wished there was an easier way.
**
;) check out his arrogant face
Every girl has a dream. I have one to. Call me a helpless romantic or emo-bitch, either works. Like a simple girl, I like to share, love and be loved.
No, this isn't about BGR, a timeless debate about what women want and what keeps the men ogling. Or for that matter, why 50% of the time, people out grow each other and relationships simply expired.
This is about simple love. To share and to love. Friends, Family, Pets, Strangers. A sort of wordless simplicity, imagine a fuzzy white glow around everything, and a smile with peace and tranquility. Everything in Enlightened state. Even the tables and chairs.
Starting to sound unreal? It's a perspective. Perspective is as real as anything you and I see can mean for you or me.
What's the point? Why are there so many books on self help, self motivation, spiritually, pursuing happiness, pursuing success? Why is Man constantly striving to transcend this picture of struggle, unhappiness, lack of success, lack of money. We read books A - Z, to find an answer. Some books are great, we recommend it, some are too abstract and our minds are not ready.
What's the point, everybody has something to say anyway, right or wrong.
What's the point, in getting angry, jealous, irritated, frustrated, sad, when all these are self inflicted feelings and reaction. I can't feel what somebody else is feeling. Not exactly, I feel for everything through my own perception.
But we all feel so anyway, and we also sometimes the cause of other people's anger, hurt and frustration.
Wouldn't it be nice, if everyone was enlightened, to see past themselves and to stop blaming others? And just to share a simple love.
Tuesday, today, I lay on my bed for hours after hours. Just thinking.
Thinking how, why, who, what, if and dreaming about when.
I am not giving up, but I found myself stuck in a pit, don't know how to get out, can't really see what's outside.
So there is only me and myself to think things through. To find the answers to gather my confidence to stay alive.
There's help from somewhere, I hear an echo. Should I follow or should I stay and think somemore. I look around me, lo and behold I found a spade sitting here beside me. I had dug this pit for myself.
The echo shouts louder now, but only to save me, I'll have to leave myself behind in the pit.
I explained to myself, that I was digging a tunnel to a beautiful place. Now that I've lost the map and compass, I just need to ask myself which direction to dig more.
I wanted to know that I was right. I didn't want to chose the easy way and depend on help, leaving myself behind.
After hours, I am still thinking if I should continue to dig the tunnel. Or just listen to help.
Soon, I started to get comfortable with myself and in the pit. I got used to the darkness, and everything seems normal. Normal to be actually in a pit.
Once in a while, help tells me about the beautiful scenery and fresh air outside. That I should experience and love. But to have all that, I'd would need to climb and forget about myself. I would need to change my plans and forget about digging the tunnel.
I ask myself, why am I digging the tunnel?
It was so that I can do it by myself.
***
Help says, actually it's the same place we are going to. Same beautiful. This way is just easier, brighter and everybody has gone through this way.
Why do I dig the tunnel by myself?
No-one knows.
Where?
In the tunnel.
***
If I go, I'll never know about the tunnel. If it can be completed by myself.
Maybe it doesn't matter, I thought. Same happy place. I can have others besides myself.
But, I couldn't decide. I wanted to get out, but I was afraid to leave myself behind. And I wanted to know if it can be completed by myself.
No-one knows the tunnel.
***
Last of all, I was afraid that I would chose to be by myself. Can I trust no-one?
love can die
how do u stop urself from disappointment, if you pride urself in love.
what if something has died but we still hold on to loyalty.
who is the one to spend eternity with you, or at least feels like eternity when with you
or me.
how long do love last, if one chooses to keep silent, if one choses to be indifferent, if one forgets what is important in love
how to be yourself.
I am different.
